marriedtome

  JUST LET GO!

How many times have we heard someone say that or how often have we said it to ourselves? Not that easy is it? I had to examine in my life what letting go really meant. I mean seriously there are so many dynamics that come into play when you are in the position of needing to let something go. First, you have to identify what you need to let go of, how are you going to do it, are you ready, and most of all, when? Timing is everything so we of course want to make sure we are divinely on time, right? Please, my time surely didn’t match up with God’s time for me. I am absolutely sure he that he has been holding blessings just waiting for me to clear my own path so he can deliver. I can’t even imagine the number of times God has turned my undesirable decisions into something so beautiful it probably made me believe I was right all along! NOT SO!!!! We feel in our guts, in our spirit, if you will, when something has run its course and we need to walk away. But we don’t. We stay longer than necessary hoping circumstances will change, people will change and miraculously life will be sweet.

I heard T.D. Jakes say this once and it just struck a chord with me, “If someone walks out of your life let them keep walking as they are not tied to your destiny.” I so believe that with my heart and I see it being played out in my life, and if you look closely enough you will probably see the same for yours.

Letting go means opening your heart, your path and your spirit to new experiences and to new people that are going to meet you on your conscious level. It allows you to see just where “YOU” are in life and what adjustments you need to make in order to have your blessings released or what adjustments you have made and how far you have comeJ. Look around you right now, who are the people you call your close friends and who is that person you call your significant other? Remember we are attracted to people who on some level are thinking just like us and if there is something about them we are not diggin’ maybe we’re not diggin’ that about ourselves OR maybe this is that red flag that says “you can only get but so far with this person.”

I have to tell you since I have let go of people, things, and certain beliefs, I have seen my blessings increase on so many levels. Sometimes we have to go into our closets and just get rid of the excess, and make room for the newness! Create a space where you live that breathes. Clutter will shut you down creatively and close your mind to free thought. Let it go! These last few months I have cleaned so much out of my space physically and in terms of energy, that I felt like it was a nonstop journey. But what is so crazy or not, is the most beautiful people have come into my life, words can’t even explain. They mirror my consciousness and spirit that allows for a continuous flow of happiness and laughter. The person I have always been!

How many times have we created beliefs for ourselves or even had certain beliefs forced on us through tradition that it doesn’t allow us to truly express who we are uniquely. I beat myself up time and time again emotionally and mentally for my life not working out the way I thought it should have. For example being in relationships that have failed and having children live without both parents in the household. I still believe this is the greatest foundation for children but only under healthy circumstances. I let my beliefs force me to stay in situations that would have never worked, now or at any time in the future because we were just different people in depth. Our values, morals and priorities didn’t match up, and that was the recipe for disaster. TRUST ME!  I had to learn to trust who God made me to be and understand that was enough. I had to stop myself from trying to tap someone else’s potential. We all have the potential for greatness but that is your own work to be done. I would see someone and say “but they just have so much potential” and then spend years trying to help them reach it. How crazy is that? You know the saying you can lead a horse to water……well that is the truth and we have to do our own work a lot of the time.

Letting go can be so scary. It means living in a place of not knowing what is next, being alone, making huge changes that require discipline and fortitude. But it also means peace, serenity, happiness, destiny and dreams fulfilled. SO WORTH THE SACRIFICE!

Letting go can be beautiful!

What do you need to let go of today that will clear a path to your destiny? How much more time are you willing to put off blessings in your life?

For me? Anything in the way and not for one more second!

Much love,

Marlene

Hey Girls,

It’s me Marlene. I know over the past few months I have been writing a lot about my own life and some of my experiences to date. Some may ask, what does that have to do with married to me, but believe me it has a lot to do with it. I do this intentionally so you can read my stories and gather some insight into your own life or even if you are in similar situations, you can understand that you are not alone. No matter where you are from, your age, ethnicity or even spiritual beliefs, we all share similar life experiences and hopefully we can be a shoulder for others when needed.

You are beautiful, strong, intelligent, spiritual, a modern day goddess, bold, sexy, sassy, full of life, loved, courageous, powerful, intuitive, and so many more things I could run a list all day. There is no reason for you to put up with someone mistreating you in any way, shape or form. Verbal abuse is equally as bad as physical abuse. Anyone who puts you down and calls you names is so insecure, be assured that is the only way they can feel good about themselves. Remember a man that beats on a woman is just a punk that has issues with himself and women. No real man can ever feel good making his woman feel bad. BOTTOM LINE!!!!!! Look at the women around you that are in relationships. Take note of their appearance and I mean their entire appearance. What they are wearing? Could we nominate them for an episode of What Not to Wear? Do they look happy? What is their hair like? Is it done? How does their face look? Are they wearing make-up? Do they look aged and washed out or do they have a glow that exudes joy? Has their weight been a bit extreme? Rapidly gaining or losing weight? These are telltale signs if someone is being truly loved by their partner. A woman will always be a walking billboard of what she is receiving at home. If her man is uplifting her spirit, taking her needs and desires into consideration, helping with the household duties, children and finances and not leaving everything on her back, she will glow! If she does not, her partner is not lifting her up. Ladies remember this is a two way street. You must do the same for your partner. They must go into the world feeling like they can take on any battle once they have left your arms. This is why it is so important to marry yourself first. Only when you know who you are can you have the ability to truly uplift another human being. You must learn your likes and dislikes, your abilities and inabilities, your limits, your dreams, your goals, your compromises and your unwilling compromises. What are your core values and morals? What will make you stay and what will send you through the door? All of this has to be in place before you enter into what you feel could be a long lasting, loving relationship that conveys the feeling of freedom.

Too many times we rush to the altar or to that convenient shared living arrangement that ends in ruins. Believe me I have done both things and just was not ready and neither were they. I settled for so much less than I was worth and only ended up compromising my dignity and everything I believed in.

The road back to yourself is quite a journey. It is a process of rebuilding your spirit from the ground up and it will probably be the most challenging experience in your life. You will be forced to look at your ugly self in the mirror and trust me we can get real ugly when we uncover our spirits. The bitterness and hurt, the sadness and anger that is uncovered can knock you to your knees SO PRAY and don’t give up. This experience, this challenge, will be the most rewarding. Everyone has grown up in a dysfunctional family and carries with them into adulthood memories of unfair treatment and abuse of the worse kind. But we have the power to claim that we will not be victim to our past. We can look inside and find the strength to uncover who God has made us to be and understand that this is all apart of the plan to fulfill our destiny.

Written with love, wisdom and understanding,

Marlene

BETRAYAL

be·tray    Audio Help   [bi-trey] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–verb (used with object)

1.

to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty: Benedict Arnold betrayed his country.

2.

to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust.

3.

to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one’s friends.

4.

to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.

5.

to reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal): Her nervousness betrays her insecurity.

6.

to show or exhibit; reveal; disclose: an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern.

7.

to deceive, misguide, or corrupt: a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly.

8.

to seduce and desert.

I had to resort to the dictionary for this one. We all have a pretty good idea of what the word betrayal means. But to see the physical definition serves me well as I unleash this verbal asswhipping! It’s funny that I have encountered people in my life that claim they have been betrayed. But according to the definition can one say they were?  What is your retribution? In receiving or giving?  Well I say stop playing victim. We have all in some way shape or form, fallen victim to circumstance, to a certain person, or just life. But your walk reveals your true resilience. I am so fed up and tired of people claiming to be betrayed when they have indeed been the betrayer. Desert when they are most needed, reveal when they are confided and disappoint when they are most expected. 

My ex now resorts to stealing pictures of my son off of my myspace page and places them on his to act like he has been present in his life. He sends his pictures around to his friends and family to fake interaction in his life and further encourage the character of victim.  I say for shame!!!! Shame on you that your shortcomings of fatherhood have led you to a lowness that can only reveal the truth to who you are. I feel sorry for the undeserving or deserving persons that have come into your midst and are surrounded by your falsehoods and insecurities. You have carried on a tradition of fatherlessness and expected your victim role to supercede the truth. I thank God that because of the unconsciousness of beings such as yourself he has placed witnesses in the alcoves to be a verbal sight to your indiscretions. I also thank God that I have been given the strength and entrusted by the Lord to be a parent and mother to my children.

This exposition is dedicated to all the single parents who sacrifice their life everyday to be a blessing to their children like God intended. And turn the true sense of being victimized into victory!

Love!

By: Bishop T.D Jakes

A hater is someone that is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.

They are very negative people. Nothing is ever good enough! When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters…

That’s why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can’t

handle seeing you blessed…

It’s dangerous to be like somebody else…

If God wanted you to be like somebody else. He would have given you what He gave them. You don’t know what people have gone through to get what they have…

 The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don’t  know my story…

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too.  We’ve all got some haters among us.

 Some people don’t like it that you can:

 1.     Have a relationship with God

 2.     Light up a room when you walk in

 3.     Start your own business

 4.     Tell a man/woman to get lost (if he/she

 ain’t about the right thing)

 5.     Raise children without both parents being around and not ask for a dime from anyone

 6.     Haters don’t want to see you happy

 7.     Haters don’t want to see you succeed

 8.     Haters don’t want you to get the victory

 Most of our haters are people that are supposed to be on our side. How do you handle the haters who you at least expect to have your guard up against?

 You can handle your haters by:

 1.     Knowing who you are and who your true friends

 are (VERY IMPORTANT!!)

 2.     Having a purpose to your life

 3.     By remembering what you have is by divine

 prerogative and not human manipulation.  Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be

 unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of what God

 has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what

 others think about you. Fulfill your dreams!

 You only have one life to live…………….when its your time to leave this earth, you want to be able to say,*

 I’ve lived my life and fulfilled my dreams,

 ………I’m ready to go HOME!

 When God gives you FAVOR, you can tell your haters,

 ‘Don’t look at me…    Look at who is in charge

of me…’

Thank you T.D. Jakes for reminding us of our purpose and power. We will all encounter haters in our lifetime and we need to also understand the importance of their existence. You are blessed and successful!

Marlene

My Dad…….

How do I see my dad…

He was always here as far as I knew. Came home drunk a few times, and gambled the house money away a few more times than that but he always was home. Probably wasn’t the best husband according to mama but was a good father according to me. Gave his last dollar, hugged us with the affection of God and protected us with the heart of a lion. A gentle giant, as he spoiled it for me, being the last gentlemen. I thought all men were like him so my guard was down as I entered the realm of dating. He never cursed in front of us, never raised his voice and cooked us dinner that could have come out of any kitchen of your favorite 5 star restaurant, then washed the dishes. I talked to him like my best friend and listened to his advice with my ear propped against the receiver. His wisdom became brighter the older I got and I realized how smart he really was as time went on. His kindness was always taken for weakness. A man loved by so many but in his time of need had so little. I learned that people love with their hands open to receive but never offering that hand to pull him up. Prostate cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure and a quadruple bypass later I still sit next to my dad and kick it. Bring his granddaughter and grandson to witness one of the last true gentlemen of his time maybe of ours and I shed tears as he tells me that he feels he doesn’t have much time left. I know life is not forever but in these moments I wish it was in this earthly realm sometimes and I pray for more days, more months and years so he can leave content that I am taken care of. All that a daddy wants for his child!

I love you Winston J. Duperley

Marlene

Find a guy:



Who calls you beautiful instead of hot




Who calls you back when you hang up on him

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead


Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in are your sweats

Who holds your hand in front of his friends



Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you



Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, “that’s her”.

I loved this so much I wanted to post it and of course it inspired me to write a little about….

“WAIT”

He is coming, he is the man of your dreams, the one who satisfies your soul and stimulates the very places you ache and yearn. He is busy like you, living life, going through it girl and making his way home. The longer you put him off the longer he must put you off. Let him know in vibrations that you wish him well and pray for his protection and guidance. Write down the qualities he must acquire through his dilemmas, through his joy, and through his pain, in order to acquire you! Go to bed at night secure that you are on his mind because he is on yours, and awake thankful for another day that you are closer to meeting him. Eat well, have fun, take care of your body and spend time with your girls, enjoy the day and the night. Live in the lust for life, spend some money and save some too.JGet your finances tight and your home right, wear some fine threads but remember that your spirit is the first handshake, the first eye-sight. Learn your lessons well and NEVER regret, as who you become is the one he wants. Say goodbye to those that leave and master the art of “keep it moving”. Remember the saying “for a reason, for a season, for a lifetime” it will suit you well. And during it all remember to….WAIT, he is coming!

Love,

Marlene

I know this might be quite personal but the hell with it as I need to get this off my chest!

As most know I have a newborn that I am so overjoyed with. I feel my life has been blessed in degrees I have only known once before with the birth of my daughter. I see the beauty and miracle of life and all the sweetness and innocence it brings all over again. My God thank you, the love I feel for my children is so overwhelming to me I am often reduced to tears of joy. So I ask myself, how can someone just walk away from their child and act as if they do not exist but only on paper.

You see my ex walked out when our son was only 1 week and 2 days old. As I sat on the couch with the breast pump attached to my nipple and my stomach ripe from the scar and unbearable pain of a c-section, his exact words to me were “take care of the damn baby yourself, I’m outta here right now”. The scene really was something right out of a movie at least in my mind, because I could never believe that someone could be so cruel and this be real…I must be dreaming or at least waiting for the director to yell cut!

So here I am, baby in the left hand, breast pump in the right and staples holding my belly together, left to take care of my son, my daughter and myself by myself! Wondering at the same time in my delirium…hmmm can I start exercising yet so I can get my sexy backJ

The strength of a woman is unsurpassed!!!!! Don’t ever question that! I am living proof as well as countless women who have endured the most life altering, painful experiences one could never imagine possible. I always looked at my mom and wondered, where in the world does she get the energy to do what she does, now I know. It is this seed that is planted inside of us, I mean us women, by God. In order to be mother and I mean …to be Mother, not just to children, but to all of life and experiences, you have to bear that seed of strength. There is nothing I cannot do. The funny thing is I knew this before but I believe it now! It has been a month and a half since he left and has only shown once to date, unannounced I might add, to see his son. Because you have to remember some men believe that once you have a child with them they automatically gain an all access pass to your home, and to your life. Sorry but that pass was revoked when you left and now you MUST have scheduled appointments. Imagine me showing up at his place unannounced? Okay, you get it, so I do not even need to go any further.

So now I am labeled to his friends, family and anyone who will listen, as the bitch who will not let him see his child. Incredible!!!!

What do I do now? I pray a lot for love in my heart. WHY? Because it is too easy to harbor hate and bitterness right now. I pray for truth to come to light, and I pray for the weaker vessel to have God exposed in his life. Believe me this is no easy task but it is much easier than having someone change the essence of who God made me to be.

When those days of sadness try to surface, in that moment I look at my son and a complete sense of love washes through my heart. I look in his eyes, I look at my daughter and I look in the mirror and immediately I am shown the true success of life, of what it means to be prosperous and I look forward to the rest of what God had for me because I am courageous, unselfish and obedient.

THANK GOD!

Your Girl,

Marlene

I watch​ed a reall​y profo​und & painf​ully movin​g movie​ tonig​ht on HBO calle​d Life Suppo​rt stari​ng Queen​ Latif​ah & Evan Ross.​ I cried​ profu​sely throu​ghout​ the ENTIR​E film.​ I can imagi​ne how hard it must have been for the actor​s to portr​ay these​ chara​cters​ as it was for me to watch​ them.​To make is short​ & to the point​.​.​.​.​WE HAVE GOT TO DO BETTE​R!​!​!​ Stop fucki​ng these​ degen​erate​ males​ witho​ut prote​ction​.​ Besid​es the possi​bilit​y of an unwan​ted pregn​ancy,​ you also have to deal with the possi​bilit​y of contr​actin​g HIV & AIDS!​!​!​ Ladie​s,​ who’​s life is worth​ more,​ YOU OR HIM? Think​ about​ that schit​t the next time some dude tells​ you he doesn​’​t want to use condo​ms,​ or he’s clean​ becau​se he looks​ clean​s,​ or if you are in a commi​tted relat​ionsh​ip BOTH of you need to be teste​d & show PROOF​!​!​!​ End of Story​.​ I am askin​g ALL of my fello​w lady myspa​cers and marriedtome bloggers to pledg​e from this day forwa​rd NOT to have anymo​re unpro​tecte​d sex. Don’​t conti​nue to put your life in the hands​ of someo​ne else.​TAKE CONTR​OL OF YOUR LIFE & TAKE CONTR​OL OF YOUR HEALT​H!​!​!​!​!  

I guess by now we have all heard about the most embarrassing antics of FORMER Governor Eliot Spitzer. You know the one who spent thousands of dollars on a prostitute while standing on his high horse shutting down Wall Street for the same practices. What a disgrace to NY, himself and most of all, his wife and three daughters. You know what really bothers me? Watching his wife stand next to him as if she feels she needs to be his pillar in such trying times. Have we lost our damn minds? What message are we sending our children and other women when we stand in support of such idiotic, selfish, and embarrassing behavior. My bad, but isn’t it 2008? I thought these were the times when women were strong enough and powerful enough to stand on their own two feet and walk away from such disgusting treatment. Instead as I watched in disgrace I could not imagine why she was not on a beach somewhere in the West Indies sipping margaritas while her lawyers filed the paperwork! Have we really traded our souls that much?

And now, during the aftermath all we see is this young prostitute who is labeled in the media as “the woman who brought the governor down”. Unbelievable! So SHE brought the Governor down. She twisted his arm, held a gun to his head and made him give her thousands of dollars because she so badly had to have sex with him, RIGHT…give me a break! Don’t get me wrong, I am not applauding her behavior, I do believe she is just as guilty and does not deserve to become some heroine for NY, but there is no way I believe she is responsible for his demise. HIS CHOICE, HIS ACTION, HIS BAG…OWN IT!!!!

So as I sit here writing this and watching it still run across the TV screen, I of course think about my own life. Do we have to wait until the guy messes up so bad, or until we get that tangible proof of his indiscretions before we take action? If you are like me, our intuition hits us up way before and the signs come along like highway postings, but more times then not we choose to ignore them because of denial, or we just don’t trust ourselves. I decided not to be embarrassed anymore.

Some moments of embarrassment:

When you are out with your man and he just has to look at her ass…that’s embarrassing!

When he creates arguments with you to have a night out…that’s embarrassing!

When you go to his myspace page and he has “dating” as his reason for being there….that’s embarrassing!

Or even worse blatant let’s hook up comments…really embarrassing!

When he all of a sudden is working late and taking long lunches…that’s embarrassing!

When you know what it all means and still stick around…even more embarrassing!

I am not here saying run, run, run! No man is perfect and no relationship will be. But look at what you are willing to give and be mindful that you are special enough to receive the same treatment. If you are willing to be honest expect honesty, if you are willing to be faithful expect faithfulness, if you are willing to be loving expect love!

Food for Thought!

Marlene

Don’t runaway, do not pick up that cellphone, shhh don’t say a word, do not get in your car and go over there, forget his passwords, just…be still! Probably the hardest most challenging thing we have ever been told to do. We are strong, independent, intelligent, not to mention so darn intuitive it makes me wonder is this a blessing or a curse some days, that we know the answers before the questions, but one of the most harmful things we do to ourselves is move when we are not supposed to. It’s when we let our ego and quest for control force us to make decisions too swiftly and then here we are back at square one or even further behind instead of leaps ahead where God intended us to be. Frustrating right!? Believe me I know, I have done it a million times. Even after I heard this voice in my head saying “no, just don’t do anything right now”, when all the signs around me were saying the same thing and I chose to ignore them. Not anymore, boy have I learned the hard way. Being still taught me my answers will come, justice will be fulfilled, and my decisions will be timely.  So, right now I am still because God said to be and I trust in that voice to be the greatest direction for my life. I trust that nothing I do could ever top what is to come if I remain obedient and just…BE STILL! 

From the conversation of 2 girlsfromBrooklyn,

Marlene and Imari